In Defense of a Local Cow Owner

from our crime-fighting Lower Saucon Police, . While I don’t think I have ever met Ms. Hess, we should take her word that something created a short circuit which knocked out the electric fence that imprisoned her cows. The cows, who are not really the dummies that most people think they are, took the opportunity to free themselves by struggling through the fence or jumping over it onto the road. It is hard to believe that Ms. Hess deliberately took the chance of losing a cow. Those cows don’t grow on trees, you know.

Besides, cows are our heritage. Scattered around Lower Saucon are the remnants of farms that once graced our landscape. Many of our houses are built where cows used to tread. We humans have taken their meadows, much as we took land from the Indians. In repentance, the few farms around should be encouraged, not discouraged. Lower Saucon Police should stay out of this. They are unlikely to know the difference between a cow and a bull and are therefore taking an unnecessary risk. An injured policeman will cost the township a fortune. Ms. Hess has not said that a bull got lost, but you never know. My understanding is that bulls like cows. Where a cow goes, a bull is sure to follow.

In any event, cows are a source of amusement, especially for children. I can visualize Flint Hill Road, when the cows got out, lined with kids singing “Old McDonald had a cow, e i e i oh.” The sound of "moo moos" was probably deafening. Had I only known, my two-year-old grandson would have been there leading the chorus.

It could be argued that cows on the road are a danger to motorists. My response is that speeding on Flint Hill Road is common, and now that Patch has publicized the issue, speeders should be on the alert for cows. Surely a cow or even a herd of cows might move aside for a honking motor vehicle, although that vehicle might be ticketed by the ever-alert Lower Saucon Police. You can’t win them all.

Come to think about it, I’ve been wondering what statute or municipal ordinance Ms. Hess is charged with violating. Surely no recent Lower Saucon Township Council has addressed the issue of cows on the road. If, in fact, there is an ordinance applicable to this situation, it must have been passed by a council many years ago. I suspect that pig owners may have lobbied council members in an attempt to harass dairy farmers. Surely there is not an ordinance that punishes swine herders who allow their charges to invade Flint Hill Road.

To be clear, I have nothing against pigs. Despite their appearance, they are said to be very bright. But I am in favor of equal justice. To mix metaphors, what is source for the goose is sauce for the gander. Not to worry, no pigs have yet been reported to have escaped onto a public highway. If it did happen, surely the Lower Saucon Police would be rapidly on the case whether or not there is an actual ordinance that they can enforce.

One suggestion: If there is an ordinance perhaps it could be amended to require the cow owner to put reflectors on the cows’ foreheads and their behinds, when they roam our highways. If there is no ordinance, then forgetaboutit.