This post was contributed by a community member. The views expressed here are the author's own.

Health & Fitness

Clutching Reticules

Wiggy's Words of Wisdom is a weekly blog based on humorous philosophical commentary written by someone who knows what goes into the making of scrapple and still eats it.

Men, have you ever wondered what you’d find in a woman’s purse if you were ever brave, curious and stupid enough to venture into the abyss of this uncharted territory?  Through extensive research and examination by the staff at Wiggy’s Words of Wisdom I’m here to uncover this centuries old mystery.

The first thing I realized during my quest for enlightenment into the harrowing depths of women’s handbags is when asked, women tend to be very open with revealing the innards of their leathery companion…so much so at points during my research several women were uninhibited enough to spill their personal effects onto the table for all to see.  Unfortunately, that sometimes wasn’t something I actually wanted to witness.

The handbag first made its appearance in early Egyptian times.  Hieroglyphics show Egyptian women with pouches worn around the waist.  These fashion companions appeared in Europe in the 14th century as a symbol of social status.  In the 18th century, as neo-classical clothing came into vogue, women started to own more than one bag, so they could use a certain one for specific occasions and with specific outfits.  Archeological findings have shown the contents of the reticules during this time period would include rouge, face powder, a fan, a scent bottle and smelling salts.

Find out what's happening in Hellertown-Lower Sauconwith free, real-time updates from Patch.

Recent scientific studies have proven the purpose and fashion of the pocketbook have evolved over the centuries.  Now-a-days womens’ handbags, pocketbooks, clutches and purses aren’t only carried as a fashion statement, symbol of social status or tote for feminine-facial-foundations.  They are ALL of these with function, transporting everything necessary for feminine-modern-survival on the go.

The following is a list of items turned up during my exhaustive research into what exists beyond the purse strings…

Find out what's happening in Hellertown-Lower Sauconwith free, real-time updates from Patch.

Cigarettes, Lighter, Banana, Egg Roll, Bar of Soap, Sunglasses, Eyeglasses,   Pad of paper, Motrin, Percoset, Lipstick, Bracelet, Tube of Hand Cream, Granola Bar, Lip Gloss, Driver’s License, Feminine Products, Floss, Nail File, Mints, Bottle of Water, Comb, Brush, Hand Sanitizer, iPod, Cell Phone, Disposable Wipes, Calculator, Business Cards, Checkbook, Pencil, Pen, Credit Cards, Felt-tip Markers, CD’s, Sweetener Packs, Essential Oils, Perfume, Hair Elastic, Receipts, Saline Solution, Paperback Book, Pack of Tissues, Keys, Folding Mirror, Gum, Camera, Pictures, Tea Bags, Tooth Brush, Tooth Paste, Scraps of Fabric, Calendar, Cash

Of all of these items, which could be understandably useful in a variety of situations, the most perplexing two items discovered during my quest have to be the wallet and the makeup bag.  I’ve been told “it’s easier for a woman to change her handbag (the outer one) without having to reorganize (or cull) the contents of the little one.”  I’m sorry but the logic just somehow evades me.  Why don’t you just carry the little one then?

What’s even more incredible is how men have survived for so long with just the contents of their pockets.  Items such as a wallet with a few credit cards, some cash, maybe a Swiss Army knife, lighter and more recently a cell phone.  It’s amazing the planet is not ruled by Amazonian women toting giant Louis Vuitton bags.

The mysteries revealed here just go to prove one thing which has been absolute since the first Egyptian Princess walked out of a palace somewhere along the Nile River 5,000 years ago wearing a fanny pack.  Some things are just best left unknown.

Marc “Wiggy” Kovacs - Perquisitor of Prada Packed Paraphernalia
We’ve removed the ability to reply as we work to make improvements. Learn more here

The views expressed in this post are the author's own. Want to post on Patch?