What Happened to Happiness?

So, what happened to happiness is my question for the day. Being in two failed marriages myself and seeing those who I thought were happy and in love break apart, had me soul-searching a lot in the past few years. What was it that caused the relationship to take a turn for the worse? 

Some may say, "We fell out of love with each other." Well if you are counting on the butterflies to get you into a marriage that lasts forever, your idea of love is misunderstood. Love is not that passion and infatuation we may feel in the beginning. It isn't the romantic dinners and dates. Love is so much more. 

Despite the normal excuses of; 'bad' habits, financial changes, health issues, having children, issues that stem from your childhood, career changes, weight changes, and people just plain old changing, if there is love, there is NO problem. We are all changing and growing constantly. But if you have the right person, the one you truly love, you will work it out. 

I totally believe what ends up happening is we lose our focus. When we focus on the small issues such as; your partner forgetting to take out the trash....AGAIN, they left their laundry on the bathroom floor, you can't sleep next to them anymore because they snore, and so on, it snowballs into bigger issues. When we accept our partner with what we believe are their flaws, those issues are not so big. But didn't you know all of that when you fell in love? Apparently I didn't.

With my own insecurities and lack of self-esteem in the past I didn't know what love was. And I mean not only love for someone else but also how to love myself. When someone showed an interest, I went for it. Sad, I know. But I am far from that person I once was. 

Lacking happiness happens to everyone at some point in their lives. But who is to blame for that? I always blamed everyone else when in reality it came down to me. Happiness is an inside job, one where you cannot expect others to fill for you. When we have great love for ourselves, and this isn't conceited by the way, that love will pour out onto everyone we meet. We have so much more to share with others because we no longer feel empty. That void has been filled. 

Maybe when pondering the question, "What happened to happiness?" ask yourself these questions:
1. Was I truly happy in the first place?
2. Do I love myself?
3. Was I filling a void in my life with the relationship with my partner?
4. Do I know what love is?
5. Have I lost my focus on what really matters?
6. Do I truly love them?
7. Have I forgotten what makes me happy?


My advice to my clients is that they have got to focus on love. And, focus on the positive things about your partner and your relationship with them. Don't sweat the small stuff, you know, the stuff that a year from now won't even matter. Act how you want to feel until it becomes real. Communicate and go on dates! You can turn any situation around when you focus on love. And this isn't just with your partner but with every relationship. The relationship with my boyfriend and I has not been all sunshine and roses, but because we focus on the fact that we love each other, things are amazingly easier. It has been four years for us and still we get butterflies. 

Wishing you love, light, and much happiness! 
Amy