Two nights ago I finished reading the book The Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz. Those who follow my blogs will notice that I read a lot and I love it. I cannot get enough information fast enough. And they are all spiritual and self-improvement books. That being said, I will reference to books a lot in my blogs.
On my journey of learning self-love this book was just a confirmation summing up that I am in a good place now, not all the way there, but a lot farther than I was. This book opened my eyes even wider as to why we pick our mate.
Say you meet someone who you are very attracted to, they have a great personality, and for some reason you click. In this moment we may get butterflies and a lot of excitement. During these beginning stages of relationships we fail to see any flaws. And if we see a glimpse of some, we easily brush it off. We feel that we have finally found someone who we really like and this could be 'the one'. You decide to get into a serious relationship with them. Months go by and the butterflies seem to settle which in the back of our minds we think is normal. We start to see things that we don't understand about the other person as well as habits and characteristics that we do not necessarily like. We may point them out, we may get frustrated in hopes they they figure it out, or we may pick fights with them about it. Then we want them to change. However, this person was exactly this way in the beginning but for some reason now you are more able to see it. The relationship is not what it was in the beginning but yet you stay together in hopes that it goes back there. Or you end the relationship and try to find someone 'better'.
First of all when you love yourself, you aren't seeking to find love. Love will come to you when you love yourself and you know what you want in a person and out of a relationship. You don't need love because you have already found it within yourself. You don't mind being alone because you enjoy your own company and you love yourself enough to know that when the time is right the right relationship will come into fruition. You stop rushing to find the right person and your biological clock has no meaning in your life anymore.
Look at it this way, you get into a relationship with your own junk and your partner has their junk too. As long as you can each keep your junk your own junk, everything works when you each love yourself and accept yourselves for who you are as individuals. When you allow your partners junk to make you miserable and upset, the relationship stops working. You must remind yourself that everyone is here on their own journey....yes, even your partner. You have decided to walk along their journey with them, with their junk. When you love and accept yourself you can love and accept others for who they are. You can make a better choice when it comes to who you are going to share your journey with. You can remind yourself in any issue and circumstance that this their junk, their journey and you can choose to not allow it to affect you.
Ask yourself first, do you love yourself? Are you honestly able to accept someone for who they are? We were not put on this earth to change others. We were put here to love others. We can help guide them if they want to change but we must realize that they will change when they are ready and meant to. We all grow and learn at our own pace, all on Divine timing. It is up to you to figure out if you need or want a relationship and while in one if you can accept and love that person as they are. If you can't then there is no point in pursuing it.
Self-love pours out of us and onto everyone we meet. Lacking it causes us to need others to fill that lack. And when they don't fill it for us anymore the issues start to arise. We must stop making others responsible for our happiness. Happiness starts with loving yourself. Once you do, everything falls into place.
Many blessings of love!
Amy
