Learning to Love Yourself

The number one issue that lies at the heart of relationships not working out, the heart of anger and frustration, the heart of all of our doubts and fears stems from one main issue, we don't know how to honestly love ourselves.

As a younger child this wan't an issue for me. I felt free, I felt loved, I was happy and found enjoyment out of making mud pies and riding my go cart. When did this change? Was it that during dance lessons, I noticed that a lot of girls were better at ballet than I was? Not that I thought I really cared, I hated ballet. Was it because I didn't have the choice to take ballet and was forced to to please my family? Was it because during trying to figure out my style of clothing, I realized that because of my parents finances I was never going to have anything but K-Mart brand which back then was embarrassing. How did I manage to attract a bully by 8th grade? Where did my self-esteem go? Why did I not love myself?

Why did I care so much as I got older what others thought of me, what I wore, what I was and wasn't good at, the choices I make, and what I do with my life????? I can look back at each experience and place blame. But now as an adult I am grateful for each experience and have let go of the need to blame anyone or anything. What I can do now is teach my children how to love themselves so that by the time they are an adult they make better choices and learn to live true to themselves. 

The first thing that is important is allowing your children to speak their mind and speak for themselves. So many parents I hear telling their kids how they feel and giving them excuses for their behavior. Allow the child to speak! Parents don't realize that they are molding their child to believe that way they say is true when in the child's heart, it could be something totally different. Secondly teach your kids not to take anything personally. Children need to know that yes people can be cruel but it is only because they are dealing with their own issues. As long as the child can brush off the actions and words of others that are mean or degrading, the child will learn to love themselves for who they are. Although in the heat of the moment you may be angry with your child, try to take a deep breath before you respond. Try to remember how it felt when you were yelled at, hit with a wooden spoon, or embarrassed in front of your peers. Love and compassion is key when you are trying to teach your children self-love. This doesn't mean that you shouldn't discipline your child, just do it in a constructive manner rather than in an abusive way. Children will obtain selective hearing much quicker when we scream at them. And honestly all that does is teach them that screaming is the right way to get what you want. Is that really the message you are trying to send? Be a good example for your child. They learn what they live and they will live what they learn.

People are so busy trying to change others forgetting that each person is here to live their own life. We all should be focusing on bettering ourselves. That is what the journey is all about. And loving ourselves is #1. 

We look in the mirror and put ourselves down. We have this idea that we are supposed to look a certain way and act a certain way. (And if your children are present, they are listening and learning this behavior as well.) Where did this come from? Was it your childhood? Was it your friends? Was it a partner? Is it how you are perceiving others? Dig deep. I must admit that accepting myself for who I am and what I look like has always been a struggle. My weight has always fluctuated and I was always seeking approval from others with everything. This made me suffer from depression, have a bully for 5 years in school and seek out unhealthy relationships. We struggle to fill that void. Some people fill the void with food, with drugs, alcohol, hoarding, abusive relationships, spending money, and so on. Anything that makes them feel better even if it is temporary those who lack self love will try just to fill that void and take away the pain. 

So how do we learn to love and accept ourselves the way we are? How do we learn to make choices based on what we want rather than what others want for us? It is a learning process and a daily practice. Again, meditation works for many because it helps us control our thoughts and hear our Higher Self. Daily affirmations in the mirror help too. I will wake up and as I am getting dressed I will say, "I am my perfect weight. I love and accept myself exactly as I am. I project that love and acceptance onto everyone who crosses my path." I also focus on the things I love about myself rather than the things I dislike. I create intentions of how I would like to look and feel. In my research I have found that engaging in self-improvement workbooks such as; Self Matters by Dr. Phil and Love Yourself and You Can Heal Your Life by Louise L. Hay are awesome at helping you heal from the past and creating the life of your dreams. Learning that I am in control of my thoughts and my feelings rather than allowing the criticism of others to make me feel bad about myself was key as well. Everyone suffers from something and someone always has it worse off than me. That alone makes me realize that I have a lot to be grateful for and that everyone is trying to make it through this life the best they can. 

Awareness of your behavior is the start. Are you being honest with yourself as to why you get into relationships, why you cannot lose weight, why you cannot reach your dreams? Do you honestly love who you are? If your answer is no, you can change that. God has created us in the image of Him. He lives within us. He wants us to acknowledge the beautiful souls that we are. Stop allowing your ego to beat yourself up. Start appreciating who you are and accept yourself as you are. Once you do that, you will lose weight, you will not need someone to love you (your love will be all you need), you will get into healthy relationships for the right reasons, you will not need attention or approval, you will get rid of clutter in your home, you will stop over spending, you will quit smoking, you will stop allowing others to take advantage of you, etc. Self-love is so worth the work. Are you ready to start working? Keep in the back of your mind that there will always be someone who loves you and accepts you just the way you are, ALWAYS!

Wishing you love from the inside out!
Amy